Straight girls: what is their deal? Can you be a straight girl and still be a feminist? Is being a straight girl a politics or a lifestyle? But most importantly: What happens when straight girls start sleeping with lesbians?
^^^ can u spot the str8 girl?
One little known fact is that straight girls actually sleep with lesbians all the time. On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes you have particular lesbians--such as AJ's girlfriend--who then go and, like, have all this sex with dudes. So is my girlfriend a lesbian or a straight girl? Furthermore, AJ has become increasingly aware of a particular demographic known as "queer women," which is basically a self-referential term that is used by some straight girls who on occasion like to mack with lesbians.
All of this is just to say that the more research he does, the more AJ finds the line between straight girl and lesbian to be a fine and fuzzy one indeed. As a matter of fact, since AJ is fortunate enough to have not only a lesbian expert in residence but also a str8 girl friend who desires advice on how to proceed with sleeping with her current lesbian, it seemed only obvious that I should put them in conversation with each other. (Which is to say that this installment of AAL features not only real live lesbian advice but also the genuine questions of the str8 girl community.)
So, to explore the issue further, lolAJ is pleased dedicate this particular "Ask a Lesbian" to questions about the relationship between lesbians and heterosexual women -- IN BED. Fortunately, lolAJ's resident lesbian expert Nell has a lot of experience sleeping with straight girls and she has volunteered to share her insight with the rest of us. Neway, let's get on with it.
STR8 GIRLS WANT TO KNOW:
As a st8 girl I operated under the basic assumption that all lesbians wanted to have sex with me. Now I don't even know if this is the case! N8ll, how do you know if a lesbian wants to have s8x with you?
str8 not n8rrow
Dear str8 but not n8rrow,
You may not know the secret signals of of the sapphic sect, but you probably know how to flirt. So try that with your lesbian of choice, and see if she responds in kind. Also I think you are using that 8 improperly.
How queer-identified is too queer-identified... for the first date?
str8 outta tha closet
You should walk a fine line between implying that you've always been a secret queer... and that this is a totally new world to which your lesbian friend is introducing you. That will make said lesbian feel both secure in your queerness and like a player who deserves a really shiny toaster.
Can I say dykey? All of a sudden I feel like I can't. Even though i did like FIFTEEN TIMES today to describe like everything i did. 8.
str8 is gr8
Your new found sensitivity about homo-slang is endearing, but unnecessary. Go on using it in any and all ways you find useful.
[eds. note: Nell, that is horrible advice!]
So like whaddo I do? I guess I can't just lie there anymore.
OK stop the presses. In a somewhat unorthodox move, AJ's going to take the reins in replying to this one, because it speaks directly to his life experience on the lesbian continuum.
As it so happens, there is in fact a subspecies of lesbian for whom "just lie there" is precisely their distinguishing modus operandi. These lesbians are the first cousins of straight girls and are known as "femmes" or "bottoms," which are synonymous terms (occasionally you will happen across an extremely rare breed of lesbian known as the "butch bottom," but that is typically considered a crime against nature). Now, it might strike you as "unbalanced," "unfair," or even "aping heteropatriarchal relations" to have just one lesbian doing all the work in the bedroom, but femmes are possessed of a remarkable phenomenon known as "wiles," which nearly all butches are powerless to resist. As a result of a femme's "wiles," a typical butch is not simply willing but rather indescribably eager to perform all the labor of sexual relations while the femme just lies there the whole time.
Nell, what is your characteristically pithy advice?
The universal motto of lesbianism instructs, "communication is really important" ... So, you know, just ask your lesbian friend what her pleasure is and... how to accomplish that particular sexual act.
OK I THINK WE ALL LEARNED A LOT TODAY. Adulations and phone numbers can be provided to Nell via the comments section of this post.
Yours in Sisterhood,