Monday, February 25, 2008

10 Things I Hate about Diablo Cody


ZOMG WTF BBQ


Unto Diablo Cody I say, truly, you are the most obnoxious of God's creatures. (No I Don't have anything better to talk about today.) Here's why:



10. All the wrong people love her. Feminists (the annoying kind) love her. White people (the annoying kind) love her. Omg wtf so annoying.

9. All the right people are scandalized by her, BUT FOR THE WRONG REASONS. Today in its Oscar coverage the NY Post mentioned Diablo Cody's tattoo(s) and former stripper status, oh, maybe three times each. Gawker also noticed. Diablo Cody, I am so not impressed by your hipster tats and your unconventional career track. And NY Post, get a grip. Srsly.

8. Somehow she fooled everybody. Last night's Academy Awards were apparently held in Bizarro world where the stupidest, most asinine excuse for a script is awarded best screenplay. I need someone to explain to me how it is that we live in a world where you can write things like "Oh my blog" and convince everyone that that is really clever. Also there are actually no human beings in that movie, did anyone else notice? That's not really the kind of thing I get hung up on but its like some weirdo alternate universe inhabited only by snark-fueled hipster androids.

7. Diablo Cody, your politics suck. They really do. This is also in the "somehow she fooled everybody" vein. It turns out that if you wave your wand of divine indieness and set upon your work its mark in a sufficiently prominent fashion, everyone will believe you are progressive. It's true! No one will care how your movie portrays abortion, and no one will care how much you try to coat teen pregnancy in a yuppified politics of respectability (see? it happens to otherwise chaste respectable white girls who live in two parent households in the suburbs and make references to Thundercats so surely we can all forgive her for her unfortunate situation and empathize with her and all feel good about ourselves for being so progressive and feeling ok about teen pregnancy, whew!). Diablo Cody, it's not pro-choice JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY IT IS.

6. Also the whole tactic of substituting cutesy indie feel goodness for any kind of analysis or any real content at all, for that matter, is just really gross.

5. Uh, right.

4. In spite of myself, I think she's cute. This makes me dislike her more.

3. She lived in Minneapolis and I want to move to Minneapolis. Ruiner!

2. I'm pretty sure that as a transgendered person I'm not allowed to say this, but what the hell kind of name is Diablo Cody? Reading it makes me want to gouge both my eyes out with a rusty fork. I don't think it would be physically possible for a human being to be more pleased with her sense of her own irreverance and wit as to christen herself "devil." Oh and then steal their last name from a town in Wyoming. That's like, sooo ironic or something.

1. And the BIGGEST reason why I can't stand Diablo Cody is: you don't get to take your college degree and your obnoxious bohemian privilege-inflected anti-authoritarian proclivities, slum it for one year as a stripper/phone sex operator, and then dub yourself some kind of authority on the matter. It's like this:

Diablo Cody : Sex work :: Me and my girlfriend : weekend trip to Savannah last summer

Meaning she's a tourist in the sex work industry, she did it in the face of all the upward mobility and financial stability and cultural capital that her background afforded her, and used the experience as some kind of fetishistic trip to shore up her status as grittier-than-thou, authentic-er-than-thou, and certainly sexually liberated-er-than-thou. BY HER OWN ADMISSION sex work was an appealing option because she was "choking on normalcy, decency and Jif sandwiches with the crusts amputated." And the fact that she referred to herself as an "unlikely" stripper (read: college educated, white, etc) in the title of her book is just offensive. For all her flagrant nonconformity, clearly Diablo Cody wants us to know that's she's not like those BAD strippers just like Juno's not like those BAD pregnant teens.

And there is simply nothing more annoying than someone who tries to assign a teleology of progressive politics to sex work. Period. Oh wait, that bougie person who tries it out for a few months because she thinks it's cool. That's more annoying.

11 comments:

jenn said...

omg best post EVER, diablo cody should be burned at the stake like the 'devil' she is!

i could have gagged on sunday night. i should have headed down to the beverley center to smack the shit out of her when she left the building.

AJ said...

No one has mentioned to me that I neglected to include a #5 in my list, which makes this 9 things I hate about Diablo Cody.

Should I add another item about the soundtrack to Juno or should I just indefinitely reserve the spot for future use?

AJ said...

Nevermind.

Meade McMeade said...

to the quick!

most of all she wanted to thank her family for loving her for exactly whom she is: socially capitalizing shape-shifter with a complete collection of both i <3 the 80s and i <3 the 90s

kilcentric said...

YES. YESYESYES.

I googled "I hate Diablo Cody" and found this and God, GOD, I love you. This was brilliant.

Schmuppy said...

I, too, googled looking for fellow Brooke Busey haters, and found you! Amazing amazing post, my friend.

This woman is a mote in the eye of real writers everywhere. I wonder what kind of past-life karma you have to have in order to win un-earned accolades for writing crap? She is the Pia Zadora of screenwriters.

schmuppy said...

and, yes, the soundtrack is tragic. I just heard it used as an advertisement for "Atlantis" in the Bahamas, which is run by Sol Kerzner... who created "Sun City" in South Africa during apartheid.

So, Brooke Busey is indirectly supporting institutionalized racism. Nice.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jiabin cheng said...

Abnormal favorite online games, such as PC
WoW Gold and Diablo 3 Gold and Swtor Credits and Runescape Gold Are among the most popular game currencies, including the PC and web games.

Jimmy Hollywood said...

THANK YOU!!!

FINALLY people who see through the hipster bullshit artist that is Diablo Cody.

wow9gamer said...

That's not really the kind of thing I get hung up on but its like some weirdo alternate universe inhabited only by snark-fueled hipster androids.LOL Coaching
Cheap LOL Coaching

AJ sez lolAJ FTW!!

internetz speak 4 teh politically l33t brought to you by lol-aj.blogspot.com!!!!

What should I get tattooed on my chest this summer?

About Me

AJ lives in Minneapolis and is interested in stuff that's political. AJ has a lot invested in his masculinity.

BE MY TIPSTER

email at lolajblog@gmail.com and be awsum!