and now the weekend is almost over :'(

WTF LOLVOGUE???? AJ is so NOT AMUSED! everybody write Jezebel and tell them lolAJ is your only alternative source for hilarious politically incisive kitty pidgin.

Guanabee covered Thomas Beatie, our favorite pregnant man. AJ is pretty shocked at how ppl are not knowing anything about transsexuals (save that we r sum messes): "He was born biologically female, had sex reassignment surgery, and is now legally male... Thomas, who still has female genitalia, decided he’d carry their baby himself." LOL teh facts: ur doin it wrong! AJ forgives Guanabee, however, for having the funniest sentiment so far on this piece:

Seahorses are all, like, “Whatever.”

It's true!

However, AJ recommends for the sake of his readership's mental health that nobody looks at the rest of the news coverage of Thomas Beatie, ESPECIALLY NOT FOX NEWS DON'T READ THAT ONE!!!!



In other newz, my girlfriend and I: we r TEH LAZY zomg. Does anyone want to buy an exercise machine thing?

AND NOW FOR A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY: d00d, ppl have been worried about gentrification, I mean robots taking over harlem for a LONG ASS TIME. God robots ruin everything wtf.

Robots take Atlantic Avenue!

Council overrides Bloomberg's attempt to pwn section 8 tenants. WHO IS A TOOL NOW MIKE.

Racism in comic books upsets AJ the MOST EVAR. Racism should never exist in comics unless it involves homo superior being racist against the deserving str8 ppl, I mean regular humans.

Thanks, MultiCultClassics.

Torture porn! That's hil-arious! In truth, AJ really enjoys appallingly violent movies, tho I'm not entirely sure why. Issues. I has dem.

But let's take a closer look:

Is there a masochistic as well as a sadistic component to the mayhem? In the same way that some women cut themselves (they say) to feel something, maybe some moviegoers need to identify with people being cut to feel something, too.

wait wut? I missed the memo: it does not surprise me that the media imagines self-injury as feminized per se... I did not however realize we had come so far as to assume that cutting is exclusively a she-thing. roffle. Issues: women has dem! lol ladies, why is that anyway?

AND FINALLY: WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR IT--DID SHE??? YES! MAUREEN DOWD CALLS OBAMA MAGIC!!! LOLOLOLOL omg i didnt even read the rest of teh op-ed someone tell me if its good. o man she tots dwnd u obama. neway drink up ladies!



ok taht's all

a very special post from AJ

Dear lolAJ readers,

Thank you for all your concerned emails* expressing condolences about the case of lolschmerz I mentioned in Monday's post. Here is one that was particularly thoughtful:

Dear AJ,

I read your post this morning, and I must say, I was very concerned to hear you mention lolschmerz! I have a family member who used to get really bad lolschmerz and I know how hard it can be. There is a lot of consciousness-raising that still needs to be done around lolschmerz and the people who suffer from it and I hope that one day it will not be so stigmatized. I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts as you go through this difficult time. I have always found it helpful to remember the words of Ceiling Cat as expressed thru his kitteh in the catitudes (Matthew 5:10)

"U r doin good if U iz pwned by otehr kittehz just coz U iz fair n reeznable; U can has Ceiling (and share it wif n00b on teh inside kittehz)"

I hope you feel better soon.

Sincerely,

Worried

Dear Worried,

Rejoice! Truly I say unto you, my lolschmerz has been cured! And here is the fruit of my labor:

AWSUM!!! and why is donald such a righteous kitteh?



ok tomorrow i promise i will talk about some things that are political.

* ok i actually did not get ANY emails of concern about my lolschmerz so i had to fabricate this one. wtf iz wrong with u ppl!!!!???

america has voted and it has RACISM.

RACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMRACISMACISM



at least they kept syesha tho. she is just so cute i can't bear it. americanidol.com tells us her musical influences include ZAP MAMA. be still my heart.

A HOT TRANNY MESS YOU SAY?

OK it seems lolAJ's readership really has its finger on the pulseness of America's hot tranny messes, which prompts AJ to make the following PSA:

TRANNIES R NOT BEING MESSES
mmkay ppl? (ok maybe some of us are sometimes messes)

HOWEVER since I am not one to resist acquiescing to popular demand, here r sum excellent trannies making headlines:

New York Post has TRANNY HEAVEN. Where do I sign up???

Baby Dee knows she r awsum even when sum ppl r h8ers. Wtf!

AJ thinks Christian Siriano will have to shut up about trannies on account of Nickelodeon's Kids Choice awards but will probably still come out of it with about ONE JILLION toasters.

lol this d00d might have a hot tranny mess on his hands before too long.

And finally, thanks to Kenyon Farrow's blog for showing the world what happens WHEN TRANNIES ATTACK. Tremble, cisgendered swine!


lol trannies will pwn u in t3h end.


UPDATED TO ADD: someone who actually does read the stuff I link to has pointed out that the Night of 1,000 Gowns, aka Tranny Heaven took place at the MARRIOTT MARQUIS. AJ would like to ask: What's disgusting? Union busting, duh. I know none of my readers would ever host their events at establishments as despicable as the marriott marquis, right guyz? ok now go tell the trannies that.

truf r being much odder than fikshun!

THAT'S RATHER HORRIFYING:

While concerned members of the blogosphere have provided useful tips for dealing with imminent zombie/alien invasions, unfortunately very little has been said yet about ROBOTS. For those who inexplicably choose not to believe in the real and serious threat posed by ROBOT INVASION, I present to you the BigDog* (tho monstrous giant fly-like creepy creature thing may have been a more appropriate christening).

This might be a good time to make sure that all my readers are familiar with Uncanny Valley theory. As a transsexual, I find the uncanny valley has particular relevance to my life! (My former therapist thinks so toot!) Once upon a time in 2006, some dinosaurs talked about the uncanny valley and it was pretty funny and educational!

Bats are also horrifying. Today, the NYT reports that bats are dying and no one is sure of the cause. As for AJ, I am pretty sure this is excellent news, as bats are disgusting awful creatures. Those of you I am friendly with may already know that I spent much of my childhood sleeping with a tennis racket propped up next to my bed due to a particularly nasty household bat infestation. Bats greatly improved my backhand! Also I had to get several extremely painful rabies shots in my legs due to waking up WITH A BAT ON MY HEAD. (Tho now I like to think of it as transsexual training.) You will notice that the caption of the Times photo describes the monstrosity pictured as a "healthy bat." AJ would like to rebut that there is no such thing as a "healthy" undead thing. I take this as self-evident from the photo itself.

You know what else is horrifying? Adaptive mating strategies, esp when they involve faking death and are employed by SPIDERS. AJ recommends the newscientist video, "Male Spiders Play Dead When They Want to Get Laid." LOL, science. Do not make jokes about employing adaptive mating strategies yourself, that is obvious and unfunny.

ok that's all i'm thoroughly grossed out now.

* Special thanks for this tip goes to my girlfriend's BOSS who studies ROBOT PSYCHOLOGY or something like that.

Ask a lesbian!

What time is it? Is it... yes! it is! It's time for everyone's favorite guest feature featuring everyone's favorite lesbian! This week we are fortunate enough to have Nell answer THREE of our readers' questions.

Ask a Lesbian

Dear Nell,

I am a young lesbian myself and I was wondering how you think about sexuality: would you say lesbianism is a political ideology, or is it more of a lifestyle choice?

Thanks,

Confused

Dear Confused,

The answer is BOTH. Lifestyle choice AND ideology. That is why lesbianism is so menacing.

Helpfully yours,

Nell

AND ON TO OUR SECOND WRITER:

Dear Nell,

Are you really Jewish?

Sincerely,
Skeptical


Dear Skeptical,

Yes.

Helpfully Yours,
Nell

AND ON TO OUR THIRD WRITER:

Dear Nell,

Don't you think trying to inhabit another another gender is like trying to inhabit another race?

Just Wondering,

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

I can't remember the CRT [ed.s note: "Critical Race Theory"] answer to that, so all I can say is... trying to inhabit another race is appropriative; trying to inhabit another gender is subversive. Figure out why yourselves.

Helpfully Yours,

Nell.

Now. For those of you who feel a bit... let's say CHEATED by the brevity of Nell's remarks on these topics, I shall permit you a glimpse BEHIND THE SCENES of Ask a Lesbian, by which I mean, the ensuing gmail chat.

me: lol
plz elaborate
nell: i answered... you didn't give a word count
i'm pithy
me: ok look
yr answers are SURPRISINGLY GOOD
just tell a little story and everything will be perfect
nell: trying to butter me up?
me: THAT IS UNIMPORTANT
[8 minutes pass]
me: wut say u.
nell: ok ok.... so, this past weekend i was on a quaint country jaunt upstate with my friends and while we were antiquing in an old whaling town, i found a pretty cool leather jacket and was surprised to find that it fit alright -- usually cool men's clothing is much too large on me. so then, despite misgivings about fitting the dyke stereotype more than even i can handle and spending too much money on some old junk, i bought the jacket and was pretty pleased with myself for the next two days. even my girlfriend's lukewarm reception didn't get me down. i looked wayyyyy cool. but then i got up this morning and put on the jacket and realized that i look kind of ridiculous in it. DAMN. there goes my sense of my own gender presentation, sailing out the window once again. this is all very tied up in the politics and life-style of sexuality, as well as the minor crises involved in subversion-via-genderfuck, which are linked to, but much less problematic than, trying to cross racial boundaries. you have to figure out why.
me: LOL AWSUM
u r rly giving back to the community with this
btw that jacket is teh rox00r
nell: right.

your Monday roflcopter with lolAJ

lol @ Erica Jong!

HERE IS A PRETTY EXCELLENT AND EDIFYING GMAIL CHAT I HAD WITH MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

me: lol look what Huckabee says about black ppl: "you know what? Sometimes people do have a chip on their shoulder and resentment. And you have to just say, I probably would too. I probably would too. In fact, I may have had more of a chip on my shoulder had it been me."
wtf
Shawn: lol
i like him, sign me up
me: ya!
he also talks about how awful the segregated south was:
"And one other thing I think we’ve gotta remember. As easy as it is for those of us who are white, to look back and say “That’s a terrible statement!”…I grew up in a very segregated south. And I think that you have to cut some slack — and I’m gonna be probably the only Conservative in America who’s gonna say something like this, but I’m just tellin’ you — we’ve gotta cut some slack to people who grew up being called names, being told “you have to sit in the balcony when you go to the movie. You have to go to the back door to go into the restaurant. And you can’t sit out there with everyone else. There’s a separate waiting room in the doctor’s office. Here’s where you sit on the bus…”
me: "you gotta cut them some slack" lol!
Shawn: lol who is this guy besides the most charming man on earth
me: lol u want his babies
Shawn: yup

ALSO: Who called it? AJ called it.

AJ : "[The New York Post is] is destined to be at the forefront of championing the lascivious details of the wiretap as they emerge" (AJ, "lolAJ: lolClient-9!!!!!". 11 March 2008 http://lol-aj.blogspot.com).

The Post: "Former law-and-order Gov. Eliot Spitzer took surveillance to a whole new level when he indulged in watching couples getting it on, a Brazilian madam said yesterday in an exclusive interview from her tropical hometown." (Nascimento, Christina et al, "Spitzer was a 'Peep' date." New York Post 24 March 2008, late city edition, p. 4).

AND IN OTHER NEWZ:

- uh-oh: the Advocate catches on to pregnant transmen (sayz: im in ur society messin wif ur binarisms). btw, AJ believes it is against the natural order of things for men to get pregnant... jklol!!

- "This is America. WHEN ORDERING, USE ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER!" Cheesesteak shop owner Joe Vento confesses: "I did it for teh lulz."

- R U wondering how your neighborhood's gentrification is going? Play Gentrification Bingo with Miss Heather! Lolz are sure to be had by all! Hot spots to play Gentrification Bingo include Clinton Hill, where residents want MOAR GROCERIES PLZ so they can make their expensive sandwiches at home!

- Speaking of which: did u say NoProPaSo??? (It's more likely than you think!) LOL ALL UR NEIGHBORHOOD ACRONYM JOKES R BELONG TO BROOKLYN JUNCTION.

- As part of lolAJ's ongoing attempts to promote empowerment and knowledge, today we are positing a NEW WORD which I am calling:

lolschmerz (LAWL-shmerts) n. When you are filled with a burning desire to set a lolcats caption to something (us. a photograph) but are prevented from doing so due to "real life" constraints such as work, relationships, or the fact that you don't know how to get the pictures off your camera and into your computer. "Lolschmerz. I has it."

- AND IN CONCLUSION. Let us all take a moment to have a BIG LULZ at Bruce Ratner for the Atlantic Yards stall. (Bloggers: No duh.)

...by the economy!!

lol. fin.

it's more likely than you think.

OMG TRANSSEXUALS??? In my Iran???

OMG TRANSSEXUALS??? In my women's colleges??? o wait i alredy linked taht liek twice darn.

OMG TRANSSEXUALS??? On my television???

OMG TRANSSEXUALS??? In my radical feminism??? lol.

OMG TRANSSEXUALS??? In my office???

roffle @ a transgender looks so beautiful you cannot identify her as a transgender

And in other newz....


ok my trannies TIME TO FESS UP. who told christian it was ok to say THAT. I know it was an inside job. NOW WE ALL HAVE A GIANT BIG HOT TRANNY MESS ON OUR HANDS. Calpernia, was it you? I THINK MAYBE. oh also "fierce".... WAY TO APPROPRIATE AND RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD WORD. Ruiner!



btw stunning is an hero.

Also useful if: you have ever met a transsexual or whatnot.

u kno whut srsly grinds my gears?

• d00ds who r all liek: sex work is teh sux00r. srsly. (i can has MOAR benevolent patriarchy plz? o, ok i has already enuff thx.)
• the prison industrial complex: DO NOT WANT. (also not want politikal prizners, k?)
• the prison industrial complex and the assholes who don't get it: PEW PEW PEW!
  
• Curbed Commenter sayz: "If the Brooklyn House of Detention had some real Chinese food on the first floor, I could forgive just about anything. Call me a YIMBY." PEW PEW PEW PEW!!!
  

• also ppl who write pieces for the Nation about teh prison industrial complex but get annoyed when they can't get their mentally ill neighbor evicted and call the police and then feel indignant when the police ignore them. NO WAI.
• NYT pieces that fetishize FTMs, ignore MTFs, and act as though the the height of transphobia is when a college grad is forced work as a bartender, k? (btw I was actually wrong; it is not so weird to be a transsexual. it is tots boring.)
• quality of life laws, and the assholes who don't get them: "it made me realize what a safe neighborhood we live in--when 3 officers highest priority is busting public drinking." AJ SMASH PUNY PEABRAINED RACIST BROOKLYN TRANSPLANT GENTRIFIER!!!!
• "intergenerational" conversations about the election. Intergenerational means, like, Canadian, right?
• ppl who r STEELIN MAH KITTEH PIDGEN!! Curbed has a post about the proposed Jean Nouvel tower near MoMa. I draw yr attention to the post's photo. AJ seyz: DO NOT WANT[EXCLAMATION MARK] esp do not want radical kitty pidgin appropriated by Forces of Evil, I mean white ppl. ---->
  
• hey my nabe got historicized by the Landmarks Preseration Commission the other day... AJ H8s HISTORIC DISTRICTS!!! jk lol i just didn't have anywhere else to post this.
• movies about sum asian students that... wut?? u mean the movie isn't about asian ppl????
• ZOMG section 8! wtf r dey srs! activists say city losing 10,000 units. Ceiling Cat sayz:
  

neway. taht srsly grindz my gears. srsly.



UPDATED: WTF CURBED DID IT AGAIN!!!!!!Q$%!

lolAJ NEEDS UR HELP!

In the spirit of feminist inquiry, AJ is doing some QUALITATIVE PARTICIPATORY RESEARCH. The project: Describe Obama's speech on race USING ONLY ONE WORD!!!1


Submissions thus far include:

"inspirational!"
"well-played"
"dreamy"
"facts."
"yai" (yay?)
"omgdidyouhearabouttropicthunder"
"vague"
"wut?"

AJ thinks if the discussions amongst commenters on other blogs/sites/etc could be distilled down to one word, they would also be saying:

Jack and Jill: "awsum!!!!
Angry Black Woman: "MOAR!"
Feministing: "WOMEN!!!"
Racialicious: "rabblerabblerabblerabble"
Too Sense: "Ok!"
John Derbyshire: "zomgLIES!" (zomg! racism)
Maureen Dowd: "strategery."




HALP! WUT DO U THINK????

AND NOW FOR SUM PIKSHURS!

WTF!!!!!!%&$&^^^

i can has MOAR racist imagery plz? kthx.

(thanks, Feministe)

and for a different reason...

who is that on the left... is it? YES IT'S OUR MAYOR! WTF!!!!!!#E%!@

I'm having kind of a hard time today because St Patty's means there's a band in the bar directly below my office and they're playing Allman Brothers covers so loud its making everything on my desk rattle.

lol-aj.livejournal.com presents: Paprika!

lol-aj.livejournal.com is a new feature in which I talk about... MYSELF!! Or something I've done recently.

AJ is very pleased to have finally watched Paprika, which has been sitting in a Netflix envelope in my living room for the past month. Anyway, I finally got around to watching it, and now I've watched it three times since Thursday, plus there's a select few scenes I've watched over and over probably a dozen times by now. I can't remember being so excited about a movie since Mulholland Drive--it was just so unexpectedly strange and beautiful and cool... I am only kicking myself for having not seen it in theaters. I've been most enjoying of late movies that mess around with the interplay between fantasy and horror, which Paprika does to great effect. Guillermo del Torro's Pan's Labyrinth would be other obvious film I've seen in the past couple years that does that, but so does the film he produced more recently, the Orphanage (ignore the cheesy trailer, it scared the bejesus out of me). Anyway, folks is also likening Paprika to Spirited Away, which is not an unfair comparison (it obv follows the same kind of dream-logic), but Paprika is somehow way more sinister.

Anyway, it's a pretty good movie if you like some psychoanalysis with your anime.

RE, LE CITE:

I am delighted/horrified to discover it is ACTUALLY TRUE that expensive sandwiches are actively bringing about Harlem's demise. I recently found an old Curbed post which quotes Dept of City Planning Director Amanda Burden confessing that the notion of rezoning 125th Street first came to her when she found herself hungry after an Apollo concert and thought, "There should be a million different eateries around there." OMG MUST HAVE MOAR INCLUSIONARY ZONING NOW PLZ!!! (wait, that sounds just like someone else!)

Flatbush Gardener reports on a NYT article on Victorian Flatbush, not the least exciting bit of which is the included map which I believe may finally settle the age-old question of what fucking neighborhood do I live in (it looks like the answer is MIDWOOD PARK, but just barely). I did not know that my area is pending a historic designation. That is interesting.

ALSO: as an lolAJ tipster has pointed out, Scarlett Johannson is just like rain on your wedding day... considering current events here in NY, that is. Feminists have been quick to point out that $4,500 is not enough for a woman's body; surely we can all agree that $40k is PLENTY.

ALSO: Some gays think Gov. Pateron will be good for teh gays.

RE, LE QUEER:

I suppose I can't really NOT mention this extensive piece the Times magazine just ran, entitled, When Girls Will Be Boys." It is about transmen and genderqueers at the nation's top women's colleges.

Le sigh.

I think AJ's going to have to come back to this one later.


In the old news dept, I have had a minor debate with my BFF Nell about the content of the NY Supreme court's ruling against same-sex marriage. It turns out NELL WAS RIGHT (zomg!), by which I mean: part of the court's rationale to rule against gay marriage was that gay relationships tend to be more stable already and thus DON'T NEED MARRIAGE to ensure their longevity.

Quoth Nell, "it is such a great example of backwards logic making an important point about the problem of state-imposed marriage for the gays."

Or as I like to say, "LOL!!!! that is awsum."

Here is the ruling itself, if u r interested:

Argued May 31, 2006; decided July 6, 2006

Hernandez v Robles, 26 AD3d 98, affirmed.

First, the Legislature could rationally decide that, for the welfare of children, it is more important to promote stability, and to avoid instability, in opposite-sex than in same-sex relationships. Heterosexual intercourse has a natural tendency to lead to the birth of children; homosexual intercourse does not. Despite the advances of science, it remains true that the vast majority of children are born as a result of a sexual relationship between a man and a woman, and the Legislature could find that this will continue to be true. The Legislature could also find that such relationships are all too often casual or temporary. It could find that an important function of marriage is to create more stability and permanence in the relationships that cause children to be born. It thus could choose to offer an inducement—in the form of marriage and its attendant benefits—to opposite-sex couples who make a solemn, long-term commitment to each other.

The Legislature could find that this rationale for marriage does not apply with comparable force to same-sex couples. These couples can become parents by adoption, or by artificial insemination or other technological marvels, but they do not become parents as a result of accident or impulse. The Legislature could find that unstable relationships between people of the opposite sex present a greater danger that children will be born into or grow up in unstable homes than is the case with same-sex couples, and thus that promoting stability in opposite-sex relationships will help children more. This is one reason why the Legislature could rationally offer the benefits of marriage to opposite-sex couples only.

***

SHAZAM! sum pwnage.

• abstinence-only sex ed gets pwned by 1 in 4 teenage girls having stds!
  
• harlem gets pwned by city planning commission
  
• my car gets pwned by congestion pricing but at least they want to give me a nabe permit
  
• my nabe gets pwned by a TARGET
  
• everybody gets pwned by urban outfitters coming to brooklyn wtf!!!!
  
• geraldine ferraro gets pwned by ppl who r not racist
• residents of 475 Kent got pwned by illegal matzoh and now chopsticks!
  
• tenants gain the right to pwn landlords
  
• cows get pwned amidst the largest beef recall EVAR!
• lol this guy would like to pwn sum feminists with his penis issues.
  
• the coup blog's post on even higher std rates for young black women raises questions about the intersections of racial and gendered pwnage.
  
• WHITE KILLER WHALE PWNZ U ALL!!! ...As MultiCultClassics points out Black Killer whales will inevitably be blamed for pwning the white ones and taking all the white whales' jobs and stuff. I for one hope to live to see the day where there is equal excitement generated by those weird fuckin black squirrels in morningside park.

OMG, DOWND!

The thing about Maureen Dowd is that her columns almost always address things that I at least care enough about to think about, which is mainly why she is so adept at stoking the embers of my righteous indignation. And it's not that she's offensive, exactly, it's more her capacity to take issues that I think are serious and distill them down to the most incomprehensibly asinine commentary imaginable. By way of illustration, her closing remark from yesterdays' piece:

Hillary would never have to pretend to be a man to get aides to respect her, proving that she has moved past gender in a way Ferraro never did.*

Which makes me feel like...

BTW, Ms. Dowd gets extra cool pts this week for knowing someone who knows something about sex work. JK LOL!!!

Speaking of which I was going to post the Times' two pieces addressing the "issue" of prostitution alongside some snarky comment, but NYT u r so boring to me today why. Why dont u go print a screenshot of an escort service website or something?**

What is MOAR INTERESTING is what those zany Cornerites think, in particular John Derbyshire's great issuance of profundity on the topic of prostitution (via):

Prostitution, like drug trafficking, is one of those zones where libertarianism bumps up against the realities of human nature.

To a lover of liberty, it's hard to see why a woman shouldn't sell her favors if she wants to. Trouble is, weak or dimwitted women end up in near-slavery to unscrupulous men, and I think there's a legitimate public interest in not letting that happen.

The best private sector solution would be a guild system, like the geishas had in old Japan. There'd be entry standards for the guild. Women would have to pass exams, and have some entertainment skills other than the obvious ones. The guild would police itself, expelling miscreants. Freelancing outside the guild could be under strong social disapproval, even made illegal.

I have to hand it to him, I like the idea of having a system in place to keep ppl from being unwittingly TRICKED into potentially having their labor exploited. I can imagine a similar system in place at say, McDonald's. You would have to pass an exam to be hired and if you did not meet their standards of intellectualism, work could be provided elsewhere (perhaps as a columnist for the New York Times, say). This way, only people who were truly up to the task would be able to work at McDonald's. Also McDonald's would have to pay $3,000 per hour, lol and if u got turned down u could just find another job that paid $3,000/hr.

Neway, dont h8 me I just think there's a legitimate public interest in not having ppl be alienated from their labor? o how cool, im libertarian!

* BTW Too Sense has something to say about Geraldine Ferraro which is less dumb.


** o wait, u linked to ashley dupre's myspace page??? omg nevermind nyt, yr the best! xoxoxoxo!!1

lol Client-9!!!!!

Oh man. I was so not going to blog about this but I hardly made it 24 hours. IT IS JUST TOO GOOD.

I don't have much to add to the gloriousness that is this fiasco except to say that if you have not read the NY Post Coverage... YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THE REAL STORY.

This morning I woke up and I thought, "OMG I can't wait to see the Post headline." And there it was, peeking out of newstands and propped up in front of faces on the subway for 19 million commuters to see, in 999999999999999-point font... "HO NO!"

NY Post, I have to love u because you are just SO CLASSY. If you're like me, you want your real news to be just like reading People Magazine so today I knew I was in for a treat. And the Post did not disappoint! 11 pages of SPITZER SEX SCANDAL and that's not counting the continued's!

Really the best piece overall was the page 4 "His Tryst with Kristen: The seamy, steamy details of lusty night in Room 871" (penned by none other than special Post correspondent Rita Skeeter). Yikes, cover the kids' eyes!

She was waiting for him near the king-sized bed in Room 871, a stunningly sexy, petite brunette who called herself "Kristen." She knew Client-9 had paid good money--$4,300--for what would be their few hours of steamy sex together...

No, srsly, I could not make this stuff up. NY Post, I have to love u because YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT THE IMPORTANT ISSUES ARE. The gems, they continue: for anyone who didn't see it the front page headline, it bore a subheading that read, "Gov in romp with hooker Kristen" and similarly, the page 2 headline, "Gov nailed in hooker sex." Truly, does anyone love the word hooker more than the New York Post? THE ANSWER IS A RESOUNDING NO. NY Post, I have to love u because you consistently show SO MUCH RESPECT for sex workers, women, poor people, queer people, people of color and PRETTY MUCH ANYONE ELSE whom you find to be titillating.

NY Post, I also have to luv u because we all know we can't count on the stupid Times to print a screenshot of the Emperor's Club website! w00t! And I quote:

Daniella is natural beauty and refinement. The elegance of an educated culured woman coupled with gaiety and fun... With the light-hearted feminism of a fine Merlot* and the sweet, floral finish of a splendid Riesling you'll agree that moments with Daniella are the ultimate in unrestrained luxury

(wtf??!@$#) Were it not for you, NY Post, ne'er would I have had the joy to read that.

OK even though I hate to be redundant, I have to emphasize that, NY Post, I have to love u because you FEEL SO DEEPLY THE SUFFERING OF (ahem, white-het-bougie) WOMEN. A few pages in there is a truly moving op-ed entitled "STEAMROLL THIS LOUSY BUM, SILDA." You go, girl! (OMG how could that pig do that to her on Valentine's Day?)

Some get women roses. Others get Lewinskied.

And I'm glad someone pointed out that Mrs. Spitzer is "still smoking hot." Otherwise people might start speculating that she drove Client-9 to prostitutes by not meeting a man's needs!

Neway, I could rly go on, and yet...

ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE: I CAN HAS SCHADENFREUDE???

kthxbai.

OK srsly ppl. Exploiting women is bad, mmkay?

But silver linings are teh rox00r because AJ is admittedly experiencing a bit of satisfaction at watching the sexuality of a powerful straight white man get opened up to public scrutiny for a change. Actually, this is something I do a little bit like the Post for, srsly because they're totally going to be at the forefront of championing the lascivious details of the wiretap as they emerge... only the Post would make it a point in their pg 2 headline to note that Spitz was described as a "difficult john." But I mean srsly, what an unimaginable sleazebag. And as several of my coworkers AND THE NEW YORK POST(!) pointed out... he put her on the regional train! Also he haggled and wanted to do stuff that wasn't "safe," boo. Counterpoint: my gf has a confessed sleaze-fetish and thinks the whole thing's kind of hot.

AJ has legitimate concern, however, for the feminist blogosphere, by which I mean one post on Feministing.** I really did not realize that so many young feminists are anti-sex workers' rights. When I started reading the comments, I thought, "feminists here will raise valid questions about the issue of consent as it pertains to sex work but surely I will not encounter the opinion that receiving money for sex is somehow inherently degrading" but onoz I wuz wrong. I tried to respond but then I wuz liek, wait a minute I sound like Diablo Cody... that's how bad it was!

Interestingly enough, I find I turn into a raving Marxist when I try to talk about sex work to people who think it should be criminalized (weird!). I get flustered and then I'm all... sexuality... labor... bleurr!!

Possibly I should not be surprised at young feminists having major hang ups around selling sex but this is a mainstream feminist movement that has all kinds of things to say about bodies and choice when it comes to fetuses. I mean wtf. Also I feel like a main rejoinder to arguments in favor of decriminalization has been to be like, "TRAFFICKING TRAFICKING TRAFFICKING TRAFICKING!" Also, wtf.

Other silver linings include: NY's first black (and blind) governor?

Oh also NPR has an edifying article on the history of the Mann Act, which has been invoked in some of the news coverage, and which I guess he could theoretically be charged with but does anyone really believe he'll be prosecuted for any of the sex crimes?

btw I get extra awsum points for this cuz this evening I wuz liek wtf he put her on a train across state lines... that's white slavery! and my gf wuz liek, no wai that law can't exist nemore. RIGHT AGAIN AJ!

*WHAT DOES THAT MEAN


**Note in particular the end of the OP: "And let's be real, $5500 dollars is still not enough for a woman's body." Regrettably, AJ is not an expert in the politics of sex work (haha but its my blog u still have to read my ideas), so I am kind of surprised that we have not yet agreed that this is a troubling way of thinking about selling sex? Can someone (srsly) explain to me what the deal is that even in a post that appears to be pro-sex workers' rights it seems to be such common parlance to equate the sale of sex with the sale of one's body (soul/being/humanity/dignity/etc) somehow?

ha! ha! we are in your base killin ur d00ds

For those who have not yet heard, Oklahoma State rep Sally Kern has finally figured out that gays are a bigger threat than terrorists. You can listen to the full debrief here.

OK wtf! First of all, WHO TOLD HER ABOUT THE EARTHQUAKES. We are having some srs information leak issues. I don't even want to know how they got ahold of the ENTIRE AGENDA. (Nell?)

Neway... SO BE IT SALLY KERN. YOU WIN THIS TIME. But the Brotherhood of Evil Inverts is rising and when the Master of Homotism returns and rallies his acolytes all of you puny flatscans will be crushed under our sexually depraved boot. HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF ME INFILTRATING YOUR RANKS!

At first i wuz liek...

AND DEN I TRANZFORMED!!!





AND DEN I TRANZFORMED AGAIN!!!









lol all ur society r belong to us. ----------------------->

mystique drops pwnage on sum breeders ^^^^^^^^^^

HOMO SUPERIOR TAKES ALCATRAZ!

AJs LATE WEEKEND UPDATE UH OH!!!!!!1ONE!

AJ RECOMMENDS PAIRING THIS POST WITH MILEY

Sexism: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. Some researchers got together and they have decided that rap does NOT cause sexism (yet rap is associated with sexist attitudes in a non-causal way???). Study hints that sexism may however have a causal relationship with "patriarchy."

OMG SNL U R SO RACIST WHY I has an addition to my archive of reasons to despise anyone who has had anything to do with Juno. VIA.

Info wars on gaming for immigrant rights: DO NOT WANT.

ABW weighs in on Margaret Seltzer's faux autobiography and aptly plugs Felicia Pearson's memoir, Grace After Midnight as an alternative to reading appropriative ghetto-fetishistic drivel written by white people. This is at the top of AJ's to-read list so if anyone's read it already DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE i want to know how it is.

Tyra Banks! k this is srsly not new news but i've had 2 conversations about Tyra Banks this weekend and she is srsly teh rox00r by which I mean insane BUT IN WAY THAT IS AWSUM. Neway I wuz reminded of a show she did in January where she had her whole audience burn their bras because why? because of breast cancer. BUT DON'T WORRY they were all wearing their spare undies even tho they were bra burning.
Akshully: some PETTY FEMINISTS have pointed out that bra burning doesn't historically have much to do with breast cancer and neway, if u are WEARING a bra while you're burning one it kind of defeats the purpose. OMG Tyra WHYYYY! LMFAO!




We still give her points for trying tho, k?





In other news, Christians, Jews, and some other ppl are trying to buy the country's biggest public housing project, located in East New York. Neat! Is it bad that I imagine the negotiations being kind of like a cute zany Dar Williams song?

Q: Joanna Cutler, wtf WRUH?
A: cuz the maintenance d00d let her out.
Joanna Cutler spent 7 hours stuck in the garbage room (ok gross) of her PLAZA HOTEL APARTMENT (ok sympathy beginning to falter) but survives to tell the tale while CLUTCHING HER FABERGE EGG TIGHTLY TO HER CHEST (LOL WAFL!!#$).

ONOZ!

Joanna Cutler has nothing on this d00d.

And because some of you were wondering, "AJ, why is it you don't watch the L Word anymore? You loved hating it so much!" here is an episode summary I just came across.

Jodi brings Bette to meet and hang out with her friends but Bette has a hard time letting go of control. Shane decides to give up on sex and instead pours her energy in exercising. Tasha faces new allegations. Meanwhile, Helena finally gets comfortable in prison but things are about to change when her mother turns up.

Lol that shit is DONEZO. Also I heard Max ends up not getting top surgery? (I saw an episode where he was reflecting, "you know, it's a permanent change" i wuz liek "lol wtf u have a beard!!!") But Karey Dornettos' short parody "Hi, I'm Ilene Chaiken" might tickle you if u r a complete dork. Uh lesbians, why r u so silly?

And finally: Curbed's recent post on Wacky Urban Planning Visions gets the lol wut of the day. A group wants to rebuild Pier 13 near the Seaport. Curbed quotes--and keep in mind the East River is what constitutes the water in question here--

On the proposed Pier 13, people wouldn’t just be able to get near the water — they’d be able to get in it. A wet boardwalk near Wall St. would flood at high tide, allowing visitors to wade down the pier in knee-deep water. Those who prefer to keep their shoes on could stay on the dry boardwalk, which would be separated from the wet one by a long aquarium filled with fish native to New York Harbor. If visitors had questions about the fish or the pier’s history, they could head to glass-enclosed computer kiosks for answers.

Community Board 1 has already approved the proposal.




lol wut

i move away from the mic to breathe

today, lolAJ is going for QUANTITY over QUALITY.

Because this is also a blog about NYC, here is a picture of my cat who lives in Brooklyn with me:

and in other news today i wuz liek, text msging can play an important role in facilitating communication (esp in a relationship). here is a pretty typical text exchange between me and my girlfriend, for instance:

gf: hey can you pick me up some chicken broth on the way home?
me: omg why am i transsexual? that is so wierd
gf: why don't we talk about this when you get home honey
me: lol im sry

also today the customized ad at the top of my gmail account said "Think You're a Liberal?" GTFO!!!

AND NOW FOR SOME MOAR FEMINISM

AJ is admittedly pleasantly surprised by Jessica Valenti's recent piece in the Nation. I am a regular Feministing reader and often I like the posts muchly but sometimes it makes me want to SMASH PUNY FEMINIST HEGEMONY.

I had been a little put off by the tendency of the feminist blogosphere to paint the Obama vs. Clinton infighting as the product of a generational gap rather than um, the ability to have a politics that encompasses hardships beyond those experienced by middle class heterosexual white women.

Gloria Feldt has posted a response.

why r i so tired today?

There now is your insular city of the Manhattoes

Thanks to my coworker (you know who you are!), today I has teh political frunz. O my soul.

So for reasons that are not totally unrelated, here are a couple articles I am pondering:

Last week or so my girlfriend happened across a news article from 2006 about a dead man found on the Q train (that's my train!). He was an USPS employee who finished work, got on the train to go home... and just died... and then continued to ride the line for six hours before anyone realized he was dead.

And it reminded me of another news story that was circulating a few months back about a somewhat reclusive, elderly woman in Flatbush whose skeletal remains were discovered when a concerned nephew finally persuaded the police to break into her apartment. According to the medical examiner, she'd been dead and lying there in the hallway of her house for two years. The woman was a Trinidadian immigrant, a divorcee with few friends apparently, and she put on her coat to go out one day but died before she ever got through the door. The neighbors, frankly, seemed pretty embarrassed that she had died and nobody figured it out (though to their credit, I suppose, they collected her mail and had made attempts to get the police into her house to check on her).

I was thinking about those stories because Ellen mentioned Lawrence King on her show not too long ago (Ellen you almost make me forget that the discourse on hate is profoundly politically unsatisfying oh wait no)-- and I keep waiting for news on Sanesha Stewart to pop up somewhere besides the queer/feminist blogosphere and the debacle that was the initial Post/Daily News coverage-- to no avail, of course, which I suppose makes her another New Yorker who died without anyone noticing.

Neway, just FYI, if you should find yourself facing imminent demise, some Bushwick Baptists posit the following:

(courtesy of New York Shitty again)

lol shoulder pads

People who know me sometimes say "AJ, you seem to hate sexism but sometimes it seems like you hate feminism EVEN MORE. What is yr deal?"

To which I have three responses: 

1. lol shut up I don't hate feminism. (Sometimes I hate white people.) 

2. Look I hate people who hate feminism EVEN MORE than I hate feminism ok! 

3. Marueen Dowd.

Ask a Lesbian!

IT'S THE GUEST FEATURE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR (kind of). For those who are unawares I have been trying to get my friend and prominent lolAJ tipster Nell to agree to write a lolAJ guest feature called "Ask a Lesbian" where readers can write in with questions about things and Nell can answer on behalf of lesbians. Neway she still won't agree to write it so instead you can read a transcript of our recent gmail chat! Everyone tell Nell how much you appreciate her insight so she'll come back and share more!


nell: i'm back finally
me: huzzah
where did i leave that fatted calf?
nell: my thoughts exactly
i am about to read tamara knopper's piece... i get a lot of anonymous shout outs on your blog....
me: ya i know
c the thing is
[my gf] got mad at me when i linked to your name's google search results
i wuz liek, i wanted to credit and she was like nell deserves privacy
so.
nell: if only i had an online identity, such as a blog... or a guest feature profile on your blog..... if only
me: ya if only!

***

READERS WANT TO KNOW:
"Dear Nell, I hear you are very interested in things like racial and economic justice. Do you think that's more important than gay marriage?"
nell: i refuse to answer that question
me: haha U HAVE TO
nell: well... instead of answering, i will tell you a brief, illustrative story:
me: OK I HAS BAITED BREATH
nell: i was canvassing with a union rep from [REDACTED] named [REDACTED] and he actually had decent race and gender politics, at least insofar as he expressed distaste for his boat club compatratriots who are unwilling to vote for a woman or a black man event though they are allegedly democrats....then, we are driving along and
we canvass at a house where there are two "male" snowmen and two male names listed as registered voters in the house. [REDACTED] remarks later, "those two male snowmen and two male names worried me a bit. i thought they might be a little goofy."
me: lol wut
nell: then he went on to describe a friend of his who has a brother who is likewise "a little goofy" and calls him his boyfriend when they see each other at the bowling place
and then i tittered a little bit
and then we went on with our day
me: WTF U TITTERED?
nell: yes, i admit it.... i tittered
me: wait what does that have to do with gay marriage being more important than race
nell: it doesn't have much to do with anything.... i also admit that
me: well
homophobia is teh sux00r
at least yr coworkers don't talk about strip clubs and call each other 'bro'
AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT A TRANSSEXUAL.
nell: my coworkers have their issues... BUT, if you are pointing out that i have may things to be grateful for..... YOU ARE RIGHT
me: ya
so i can put this convo on my blog right?
i'll redact specific identificatory details
nell: hmmmmmm ok
everything is about your blog
me: hey
o rly?

Fin.

Southwest Airlines: AJ SMASH!

Hey, here is a pretty good example of the effect Southwest Airlines has on me:

By which I mean, Tamara K. Nopper has a piece posted on Kenyon Farrow's blog from a couple days ago in which she recounts being assaulted by a white man on a Southwest flight and the flight attendants' complete disregard for the incident. Nopper's discussion of the incident in relation to WEB DuBois' analysis of whiteness in the Souls of White Folk is truly pretty righteous. And her points about the confluence of racial discourses that she encountered in the incident (eg, her understanding of the ways in which she violated race roles as an Asian American woman and how her subsequent criminalization was informed by antiblackness) are equally excellent IMHO. Although admittedly the roiling red fog of rage that rolled over me after reading Nopper's account made it a little hard to clear my head enough to think very cogently about how whiteness means owning everything (including moral authority).

Neway, I can has sum intersekshunality plz? Kthxbai.

For those of you who are not up on devilspawn Southwest Airlines, they have been srsly in the shit for the last several months basically for being appalling patriarchal/racist/etc jerkwads. You can read about that here and here and here and here and here!

You know, Nopper also had a pretty neat article (apparently originally from Race Traitor lol) about white antiracists, that someone sent me a little while back which I also recommend.

well that's really weird

I don't know if anyone else caught the profile of Margaret B. Jones in the Times last week... she was the author of an autobiography called "Love and Consequences" that chronicled her experiences growing up as a half-white, half-Native American drug runner for the Bloods in South LA. At the time I thought it was, you know, kind of corny, but generally pretty interesting, and probably quite moving for the average reader of the New York Times Home & Garden section.

Anyway, the Times reports today that Jones, who is really Margaret Seltzer, actually made the whole thing up (whoops). Seltzer in fact grew up in a suburb (raised by her biological family, not a foster care parent as she claims in the book), never had anything to do with the Bloods, and graduated from prep school. She's also half white and half... white. I really recommend the original profile, if only to experience the sheer retrospective bizarreness of some of the details she provides about her life.

Curiously, she had also claimed in her book that she graduated with a degree in ethnic studies from University of Oregon (also not true btw). Even curiouser: in her more recent interview with the Times, Seltzer stresses that her mendacity was driven by a real desire to write about racism. She insists that the details in her book were all gleaned from people she's known and comments, "I thought I had an opportunity to make people understand the conditions that people live in and the reasons people make the choices from the choices they don't have." She confesses to having written the book in Starbucks, where she "would talk to kids who were Black Panthers and kids who were gang members and kids who were not."

head explodes.